Life in Limbo
by Justified12
Summary: A short Heya one-shot. Set loosely around and after the filming of 'Heart'. Heather/Naya.


**This just had to be written in my opinion. A short, realistic take on Heya. **

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><p>Seven takes. Seven times. She kissed me seven times before they were finally satisfied. Nobody questioned why we were both breathing hard and blushing even harder each time. Nobody had to. It wasn't like we could hide it from them. Not completely at least.<p>

Everybody had always known we were close... too close. And yet, this unspoken knowledge remained just that, unspoken. Nobody ever talked about what was going on between Heather and I. Because that was how it needed to be.

When we first started out, things were easy. Getting a little too cuddly with one of your best girlfriends was normal and everyone, the cast, the crew, the media... they all accepted that was all it was. And for a while, they were right. We were just super close. Then one night, after one too many drinks and a whole lot of dancing, things changed. Our relationship became more than just over the top friendly touching and cuddling. It was something much more intimate and primal.

We were never official in public. We were barely official to our friends even though they were practically family and we saw them every single day. But they knew. In a way, they all knew. And they all warned us - without ever saying a word - that it wasn't something that could get out to the public. They even helped us cover it up. And for a while, it worked. Heather and I went to bars and clubs where we knew the media didn't frequent and people would never tell. We were almost like a real couple. Even if we never talked about our feelings properly... or the fact that every night, we would go home to one of each other's houses and have the most incredible, intense, mind blowing sex. Because it was unavoidable. The chemistry. The heat. We just had to.

We're not gay. But we're not straight either. We just are.

When two people who just connect on every single level manage to find each other the way we did, there's truly nothing that can stop it.

After the gossip started to breed into something more serious, we tried to deny our needs. One week, I would shy away from her... ignore her even, just for self-preservation. The next week, it would be her turn. Being together was a constant struggle. All we wanted to do was touch and yet we refused to acknowledge what that meant. We couldn't. Our entire careers depended on it. We couldn't delve into 'feelings' or discuss what we really were because we weren't ready. It was too much and the growing pressure that came with the show's success only forced us further back inside ourselves. Still, there is only so much you can hide from prying eyes.

When they decided to make our tension-filled looks and touches into something more on the show, everything went downhill. It was my fault. I got too carried away and swept up in the elation I felt when I was with her. I somehow thought no-one would notice. I never should have said anything about our characters being 'soulmates' in that damn interview. I never should have posted those photos of us cuddling on the couch or being goofy on set. 'Fate has laid a hand.' Could I have been more fucking obvious?

But then, all at once art was imitating life and we were forced to confront everything on screen that we had been so adamantly avoiding in reality.

Santana couldn't come out. Just like us. She used relationships with men to cover her fear of being discovered and facing her true feelings for her best friend. Just like us. Heather had less trouble in that department than I did. When it came to cover up relationships, she was a much better actor than I was. But eventually, after a few failed attempts with guys who always knew they were only friends, I found someone who was dumb enough to believe my lies and not suspect that I was using him. And my acting skills got better too.

But this isn't about them. We use them and we like them to some extent and yes, we even do the most obnoxious couple-y things with them and sometimes... we even enjoy it. Because it's fun. Because it takes us away from the pain. Heather and I both know that that's all it is with them. Distraction. Image. Empty kisses and promises.

We can't be together. We were naive to think we ever could. In the early days, we danced around each other and thought no-one would notice that pull... the invisible rope connecting our hearts. We thought nobody could see it. But now, we can't risk it. We don't even go out together in public. We avoid everything except being on set together. Our fans are just too smart. They see everything. And without our paper bag males, we would have nowhere to hide.

But soon, Brittana becomes too much. The fans are screaming for a kiss, demanding for us to be closer. And I honestly don't blame them. I want the same. My heart has been begging for her for months, ever since the tour finished. Ever since we agreed that it would be easier for both of us to just pretend those feelings didn't exist and we tried to put an end to our physical relationship. It had to make things easier... less messy at least.

We remain close at work. But everyone still knows. There's no way they can't. The evident tension is probably what made them hesitate to approach us with more Brittana storylines. They were afraid we would be mad or things would become even more awkward. But we're professionals and our masks are perfected.

After the seventh take now, I'm beginning to think I've reached my breaking point though. Heather's ears are bright red and her pupils seem to overtake all the blue in her eyes. Did she have to be so damn obvious? At least my tells aren't as easy to spot... You'd have to be pretty close to see the goosebumps covering the skin on my neck and shoulders... and the heavy makeup does well to hide how the extra blood flows to my lips, making them puffy and dark pink. I take a deep breath, smile broadly and excuse myself from the set. However, I realize quickly that the night is reaching its end anyway and it won't matter where I go now because everyone is already packing up. Small miracles. I walk briskly to my trailer, change and grab my things to head home.

I hear a familiar voice calling me as I am about to leave though and pause in my tracks. 'Don't you want to do anything tonight?' He asks, puffing slightly from running to catch up with me.

'No. Sorry. I'm really tired. Think I might just head home and get some sleep.'

He nods and smiles gently, leaning in to place a peck on my cheek. I try my hardest not to flinch.

'Bye.' I mumble and finally make my way to the car and take off.

I'm not even halfway home when my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull over and open the message.

_I'm coming over – H_

I close my eyes and sigh before steering back onto the road and driving the rest of the way. This could very well be another fight. It certainly feels like it anyway. Some days we're good at faking it -all smiles and hugs and soft glances. Other days, we have to do our best to conceal the frustration and at the fact that we're at each other's throats.

Fuck, I'm so tired.

Five minutes after I walk in the door, she's knocking. I let her in and join her on the sofa.

We stare at each other for at least another few minutes, neither daring to speak the first word.

'This is because we kissed again isn't it?' I finally breathe out, running a hand through my hair.

'Naya...'

'I felt it too you know. It's not like you're the only one going through this bullshit.'

Heather sighs and averts her eyes from mine. 'I know...'

'I thought we agreed that we were just gonna let it be.'

'We did.'

'So then why are you here?' I cross my arms over my chest. Not because I'm annoyed or defensive, just because it hurts and I hope that pressure might dull the pain.

'Can we not do this?' She sighs.

'Well what else are we supposed to do? Everyone saw those looks you gave me. Great in character, but it doesn't take a fucking scientist to tell that there's something going on between us for real. Nobody's acting is that good.'

'Would you prefer that I stayed blank? Let all the stupid fans bitch about how I look _sad _lately?' Heather challenged. 'I needed to look in love with you for the show. So when the cameras started rolling, I just stopped pretending.'

'I'm tired Heather. I can't go through this again. We just go round in circles.'

'I love you Naya.' She's never said it before. Not out loud anyways. But we both knew it was true. Hearing it now, her piercing blue eyes staring right through me, my heart breaks.

'Don't.'

'I love you.'

'Fucking stop it.'

She pulls me in roughly for a kiss and I resist, pushing at her shoulders hard. She doesn't let go. She's always been so much stronger than me and even as the tears come crashing down from my eyes and sobs wrack through my fragile body, she holds me close, our lips pressed tightly together. Kisses turn to touches and it's everything at all once. I let go of my flimsy hold on control.

The night ends like it hasn't in months. We lie naked together in my living room and have the most emotionally driven, passionate sex that I've ever experienced in my life. We both end up in tears and I tell her that I love her too, I always have.

And then, the next morning she leaves before I wake up. The weekend passes and on Monday at work, it only takes one shared look to know that everything is back as it was.

We keep fighting ourselves. We keep resisting the urge to follow our hearts and not our brains. We're never quite here or there. It's possible we never will be.

And nobody ever says a word.

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><p><strong>Also, to anyone who reads Shades of Blue, next chapter will be up soon.<strong>


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